Gabrielle Bernstein at Grace Cathedral

Last week, I went to Gabrielle Bernstein’s book launch at Grace Cathedral. I have been following Gabrielle since her first book eight years ago, and every time I see her I am amazed by her stage presence and ability to speak about personal development.  

Her newest book Judgment Detox is about how we block ourselves from our true emotions when we judge others, and reviews the steps to come out of judgment. At this time of so much divisiveness in the world, I hope that this book serves as many people as possible. 

  1. Witness your judgment without judgment. When we notice that we are judging someone else or ourselves, witness it without going into a judgment tailspin. Instead of judging someone at the grocery store and then judging yourself for judging them, stop the cycle and notice that you are triggered and ask yourself why.
  2. Honor the wound. If we are judging someone else for our own insecurity, come to the core wound of why you are triggered and judging. The book then has three tools for healing the inner wound. 
  3. Put love on the altar. After we have worked to heal the wounds, the book has prayers to offer your judgment to a higher power.
  4. See for the first time. Once we have healed and prayed, we can see for the first time. Gabby tells a great story about healing her relationship with her father. When we see others for their truth, we understand that we are all one.
  5. Cut the cords. Every time we judge someone, we create negative energetic cords connecting us. Once we have seen the other person, we can cut the energetic cords and no longer be negatively connected. 
  6. Bring your shadows to the light. In the final step, we practice forgiveness and shining light on the universe.

Have you read Judgment Detox yet? Who are you judging and is there another way?

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The Four Tendencies

One of my favorite authors is Gretchen Rubin. I loved her book The Happiness Project, and her podcast Happier is one of the anchors of my daily commute to work. Not surprisingly, I was very excited for her newest book, The Four Tendencies.

If you haven't heard of it before, The Four Tendencies is Gretchen Rubin's framework for personality types. Everyone is either an upholder, an obliger, a rebel or a questioner, and our personality types determine how we handle expectations from ourselves and others. An upholder can meet outer and inner expectations, an obliger can meet outer expectations but resists inner expectations, a rebel resists all expectations, and a questioner can meet inner expectations, but needs a reason for it. 

I'm an obliger - I could get up at 4:30 in the morning for crew practice because my teammates were counting on me, but can't get up just to go to the gym by myself. When I first read the book, it was a revelation. I took off the pressure that it wasn't my fault that I was slacking on my personal goals, I just hadn't made external motivation for them. But, as I reflect on the book more, I wonder whether this is just an excuse that I am making for myself. Could I meet inner expectations if I didn't think that I couldn't? 

What tendency are you and do you find this to be helpful or an excuse?

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