I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. It feels like there is a pink elephant sitting on my chest and that there isn't enough space for me to breathe. My mind begins racing with my to do list and worrying about things outside of my control. There are days when the panic grows and grows, even though there is nothing external to cause it. I wish I could break free but I wonder if the anxiety is just part of me.
My anxiety has been the driver of my success for so long that I wonder if I would fail without it. I wonder if I could check off everything on my to do list. I wonder if I could be successful without a sense of doom over my heart.
But as I meditate and take some time for myself, the anxiety is lifting. There are moments when I am completely carefree and there isn't a knot in my chest. I had the greatest time last weekend because I could enjoy myself and not worry and carry the weight of my pink elephant of stress. These moments of freedom are expanding, and I'm still getting everything done that I need to. And when the doom comes back, I can stop it faster. I can actually breathe. And that's a great step.
For so long she was a human going, human doing, human seeing.
But then she learned how to be a human being.