For the past few weeks, I have been struggling with how to make life more fun. How to stop trying so hard and lean into the flow.
I came across the TED Talk of Gwen Gordon, who was a creative director for Sesame Street. In the talk, Gwen speaks about her struggles going from a playground to a proving ground. When she was younger, she was a gymnast, and noticed that what she once enjoyed instead became work. When she was working on Sesame Street, over time she lost the wonder of working at her dream job and instead would stress about the minutia. What had once brought her joy instead brought her anxiety.
I caught myself that much of my life has been a proving ground. I pride myself on my ambition - I set lofty goals and I do everything possible to meet them. Last year, I lost my father, I won the Head of the Charles Regatta, I ran the Boston Marathon, and I graduated with my MBA. Any one of those would have been an accomplishment on their own, but I am constantly setting the bar higher for myself.
But I'm realizing that this doesn't leave much room for fun. It doesn't give me space for wonder. I even catch myself treating this blog like work, like a goal that I need to accomplish, instead of a fun creative outlet. I'm realizing that I don't even know if I know how to have fun. I know that I can be fun to be around, and can project positivity, but this often takes planning and energy. What if I instead did something fun every day?
My instinct is to set a 30 days of fun challenge and organize external accountability, but I worry that I will then become competitive about showing how much fun I am having. So instead I'm setting the intention, but not setting any goals about it. And I'll let you know how it goes.
Are you in the playground or the proving ground?