Word of the Year

I'm currently part of an end-of-year coaching group called the Holiday Council. The Holiday Council is a three week course that gives time to reflect on the year, and envision the year ahead. The final product of the course is a word of the year, ways of being, and goals for the year.

When I reflect on 2017, the word that comes to mind is resilience. I was grieving the death of my father, I was long distance from my husband, I was in business school and I was training for the Boston Marathon. Then, once I graduated, I moved 3000 miles away from my family and struggled to find my footing. From start to finish, it just felt like a year of survival. There were certainly high points, but I caught myself often with a victim mentality. 2017 was a year that happened to me, and I was often not a willing participant.

For 2018, I want to be more proactive. In 2018, I want to learn how to be authentic. I want to have authentic relationships, with true connections, not just surface level. I want to be authentic with myself, I want to be comfortable to express my full self and not be afraid what people may think. I want it to be the year when I feel a conviction that I am making a difference. It is the year that I stop playing small and jump into the deep unknown. This doesn't mean that I need to quit my job or run away to the circus, it just means that I need to ask more from myself and be more for others. In 2018, I turn 30, and am so inspired by what this time of growth will mean.

Pray before you press send

I recently had to send a very hard text message. There was a family conflict that I had tried to bury and act like it wasn't effecting me, but I realized that I was compartmentalizing and not acknowledging my feelings. Once I instead got honest with how I was feeling and decided that acting like the situation didn't exist wasn't serving me anymore, I had to do something about it. I can't be on a spiritual path while also putting my head in the sand and acting like I didn't know it was happening. I had to reply to a text message, and both set boundaries and reply with love. I took a full week to decide on what to say. I didn't want to make the situation worse, but I also needed to explain my feelings. So, for the first time in my life, I prayed before I pressed send. Instead of being reactive and just lashing out, I took the time to reflect on what I wanted to say, and then prayed before I pressed send. And I was actually proud of what I said. The energy was different, and I hope that it is the first step in our relationship being different. Have you ever prayed before you pressed send? Or have you ever reacted and then wished that you had taken your time?

Patricia Moreno's Four Questions

While I was at Soul Camp (yes I am still obsessed), one of my favorite instructors was Patricia Moreno, the founder of Intensati. If you haven't heard of it before, Intensati is a combination of cardio/ dance movements with positive affirmations. We opened the first day of Soul Camp with an Intensati class, and it was the greatest way to crack open our energy. I haven't been able to find an Intensati class in San Francisco yet, but am trying to find a way to build it into my life. 

After camp, the host of a podcast that I was listening to mentioned a piece of advice that Patricia Moreno had given her while at Soul Camp. When you're freaking out about something, ask yourself these four questions:

  1. Is this 100% true?
  2. Are you sure that it's true?
  3. How does it make you feel and act when you believe it to be true?
  4. What happens when you hold the opposite to be true?

This advice has stuck with me ever since, because it's so tangible. Often when we're stressing out about a situation or outcome, it's our rational mind taking over and making up fears. But if we question our fears, they become less real. 

Meditation and Matcha at Parsley Health

Last week, I got up early on Tuesday morning to attend an event at my friend's startup, Parsley Health. Parsley Health has a whole body practice to wellness, from advanced testing to nutritional guidance. On Tuesday morning, they celebrated the "birthday" of their San Francisco office with meditation and bulletproof matcha at their WeWork office. The meditation was hosted by Within Meditation, a new studio on Sansome Street, and then their nutritionist taught us about the benefits of matcha. It was a perfect way to start my day and I pledged to go to more events like this!

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Be a Super Attractor

On Thursday night, spiritual teacher Gabrielle Bernstein had a live class on being a Super Attractor. A Super Attractor is a person who is in alignment with the Universe and attracts what they need. The right class, the career break, the guidance that we have been looking for, come to a super attractor. There are five lessons to manifest what we are called for.

  1. Get into alignment. The Universe is always saying yes, so be careful about what you are attracting. If you think that there is scarcity, then scarcity will show up in your world. But if you instead believe in abundance, then you will be abundant.
  2. It's good to feel good. When you are out of alignment, make a list of all of the things that light you up and make you happy. Redirect your focus to something that is thriving and your energy will shift. Instead of having a mentality of "it's too good to be true," focus on loving all of the good.
  3. Take spiritually aligned action. Once you are in alignment, take a step in the direction of your dreams. The more you allow, the more you receive.
  4. Follow the fun. Begin to see your obstacles as opportunities and have fun along the way. All things are happening in perfect order everything is in perfect time and everything is unfolding and I am enjoying where I am going.
  5. Put out what you want to receive. Put a positive intention out to the Universe. Because, as is written in ACIM Lesson 38, "There is nothing my holiness cannot do. We are one with the universe. When we accept our connection with god, there is nothing we cannot do."

Gabrielle's new book, Judgment Detox, comes out on January 2, and I'm sure will be filled with even more helpful lessons. For now, consider whether you are in alignment and what you are attracting. 

Kingdom of Colors

Another exhibit that I went to while in Washington DC was Kingdom of Colors at Artechouse, an "immersive visual experience" by French filmmaker Thomas Blanchard and artist Oilhack, soundtracked by Lyon-based composer Leonardo Villiger. It's hard to describe the wonder of this exhibit - it was very simple but incredibly powerful. In order to experience the exhibit, we downloaded an iPhone app that made the visuals into virtual reality. For example, the first of the photos below is what one of the walls looked like with my phone and then with the app.

Once we entered the exhibit, there was a bar serving drinks that became virtual reality in the app, and the main room had projections of a video art piece. If you have seen the advertisements for the iPhone X, the video is very similar. In the side rooms, there were other interactive exhibits and activities. 

The Kingdom of Colors exhibit ends tomorrow, but Artechouse has other great exhibits coming soon.

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Books read

One of my goals on my 101 in 1001 list was to read 20 Books. I have loved reading for a long time, so enjoyed this challenge a lot more than others. But I have always been hesitant to buy all of the books that I want to read, because I end up with Amazon as a large line item on my budget every month.

The Overdrive app has been a complete game changer. The app connects a library card with an Amazon account, so you can rent books for free! My biggest complaint is that the books can only be checked out for 14 days, but if you are reasonable about not checking out too many books at a time, then it is no problem at all! 

Even though the challenge is now over, I think I’ll continue logging the books that I read here :)  

  1. Emperor of All Maladies, Siddhartha Mukherjee
  2. Greening Health Care, Kathy Gerwig
  3. Grit, Angela Duckworth
  4. Talking as Fast as I Can, Lauren Graham
  5. A Colony in a Nation, Chris Hayes
  6. The Alchemist, Paolo Coelho
  7. Present Over Perfect, Shauna Niequist
  8. Option B, Sheryl Sandberg
  9. Quiet, Susan Cain
  10. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Marie Kondo
  11. Presence, Amy Cuddy
  12. Spiritual Graffiti, MC Yogi  
  13. Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin
  14. Into the Water, Paula Hawkins  
  15. Light is the New Black, Rebecca Campbell  
  16. You’re Never Weird on the Internet (Almost), Felicia Day
  17. Outlander, Diana Gabaldon
  18. Drink, Ann Dowsett Johnston
  19. Giant of the Senate, Al Franken
  20. Shrill, Lindy West
  21. Own Your Glow, Latham Thomas
  22. Reading People, Anne Bogel

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing you a loving, relaxing, happy holiday. If you are with family, may it bring you joy and no stress. Since holidays often trigger us, below are a few tips from my favorite bloggers that I am going to work on this week. 

  • Set an intention: Kris Carr advises to set an intention for the event. Before I go to a party, I always set an intention for the evening. How do I want it to go? What do I want to have happen?
  • Pray before you eat: The prayer that I am working on is from Gabrielle BernsteinThank you, spirit, for speaking through me, moving through me, and allowing me to eat with grace. Show me what to do.
  • Slow down and chew: Robin Youkilis advises to slow down and chew whenever you eat. She even put together a chewing challenge in October. You can choose to bring your attention to what you’re doing right and what you’re trying to restore. You can re-calibrate your body and your mind to see the good.

What are you focusing on this Thanksgiving?

Ichi-go ichi-e

I recently learned about Ichi-go Ichi-e, a Japanese idiom that means "one chance in a lifetime." In Japan, there are countless tea ceremonies, but they make the point to make each one memorable. The same tea ceremony will never be held again, so one must put one’s whole heart into looking after one’s guests on every occasion.

I often struggle with being present. I catch myself letting life pass by, because I take the moments for granted. I don't make each moment count, I just let it slip by. I think that this is some of the reason that I have such a hard time with my memory, I don't make myself actually pay attention. 

How can you make today once in a lifetime?

The Dream of Life

 

At the closing ceremony of Soul Camp, the instructor, Daniela Plattner, played an incredible speech that I have been thinking about since. The speech was called The Dream of Life by Alan Watts, and encouraged us to remember that we are living the life of our dreams. Hope that you find this to be inspirational!

 

The Wellness Deep End

I was texting with one of my friends from business school last night and found myself getting defensive about my posts about wellness recently. I joked that I was off the wellness deep end because I was in hippie California. She's a good friend and replied, "There's no such thing as a wellness deep end if you're taking care of yourself."

I have gone to yoga classes off and on for almost ten years now, and have gone through phases of being interested in spirituality, but the past few months I have been less apologetic about my interests. I have cared less about what friends thought and instead posted photos of me meditating or journaling, authentically expressing myself.

It still isn't comfortable. Whenever a person who knows "business Danielle" likes one of my wellness photos I still feel self-conscious. But it is getting better, and expressing myself is more important to me. By expressing my full self more and more, I feel less limited. I don't feel like I'm playing small. And as I become more comfortable finding my voice I hope that it continues to grow.

What would you do if you didn't care what people thought?

Pocket Pals

When I used to row, my mom and I would give "Spirit Bags" to my boat as a good luck charm. One of the items in the bag was always a pocket pal. 

Pocket Pals are little animals that you can put in your pocket (obviously). My mom gave them to me when I was growing up so that, when other people were mean, I knew that I had a friend with me.

Now that I have gotten older, I still give pocket pals to new friends. But now I realize that I don't need other people to be nice to me, or even a pocket pal to know that I am okay. I can be my own best friend every day. 

Writing a Personal Mission Statement

Per a recommendation from my new friend Maxie, I tried to write a personal mission statement this week. There are five steps to creating a mission statement (more here) and below is the process that I went through. I think I have another round of edits to go before this statement is finalized, but once it is, a personal mission statement can help you make decisions and stay on track for your goals.

1. Identify 5 past successes and try to find a theme
This was one of the hardest steps for me, because I am very goal oriented but once I achieve a goal I tell myself that it wasn't a big deal. But the successes that I came up with were:

  • Making a positive impact when I was working as a Neighborhood Liaison for the Mayor
  • Getting a city department off the ground
  • Getting into and thriving in business school
  • Winning Head of the Charles rowing regatta
  • Finishing the Boston Marathon and raising more than $10,000 for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute

2. Identify your values (5-6)
I took this list of 50 values, and wrote down every one that resonated with me. I then whittled it down until I had six values. They are:

  • Authenticity: I am most at peace when I am able to express my full self without reservation, and connect most when others do the same. No time for fake-ness around here.
  • Fairness: I feel strongly that everyone should have a fair shot at life and am very upset by prejudice and disadvantage.
  • Fulfillment: I have always had jobs with some sort of altruism, and have a strong desire to give back. This is not only because I think it's the right thing to do but also because it is when I feel most fulfilled and connected.
  • Growth: I love learning and changing, and want to keep growing into a bigger, better human being.
  • Hard working: I tend to throw my heart over the bar with everything that I do, and most respect others who do the same. People missing deadlines is one of my biggest pet peeves.
  • Recognition: This is the value that makes me seem like a brat, but I know that I do best when I am in environments that recognize hard work. 

3. Identify your contributions or the ways that you could make a difference
I would like to be a person who leads by example and leaves the world a better place. I'm a person who can be counted on, and try to see another perspective. I'd like to show the world that we're here for more than to make money, and I'd like to have a lasting impact on people's lives.

4. List your short term and long term goals
Short term, I would like to have radically authentic relationships and bring soulful fulfillment into my day. I'd like to step into my power and have more spaciousness and moments of feeling connected.
Long term, I want to serve others and make a difference. I'd like to freely and authentically express my whole self, and help others break their self limiting beliefs.

5. Write a mission statement
I live in the flow, grow and learn every day. I am fully in my power and have soulful fulfillment. I have radically authentic relationships and am the person people turn to. I help others and make a difference. I live life to its fullest.

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Culture of Sobriety

As you may know, I have been sober for four years. I come from a family with alcoholism on both sides, and I hit a point when alcohol was something that I had to "control." And once I let myself start drinking, there was no control. There was just more and more until I didn't recognize myself anymore. It took a few tries, but a few years ago I decided that this one night would be my last night. 

Since then I have still gone to bars with friends, and instead ordered a Shirley Temple. My close friends even would stock their parties with "Non-Alcoholic But Equally Fun Beverages." It is not a struggle when I am comfortable.

But now that I am making friends from the beginning again, I am reminded of how much alcohol is part of our culture. We are surrounded by advertisements for alcoholic drinks, and being the only one at an event without a wine glass is judged.

I'm not going to get on my soap box and talk about how dangerous drinking can be or how our culture as a whole needs to change. (If you're interested, the book Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol shares an interesting perspective.) This is just a PSA/ request to the universe. The next time you're hosting an event, offer nonalcoholic beverages. The next time you're getting to know someone, consider coffee instead of a drink. The next time you're with a friend, have a real conversation instead of a superficial chat about their drink preferences. Let me know if it makes a difference!

My commute

As I have probably already complained about, I have a long commute every day. I take a combination of trains to get to and from work, which total an hour and a half each way. That’s three hours a day, twelve hours a week, 624 hours a year. That’s almost a month each year, just spent traveling. 

While the commute is happening, I don’t really mind it. I can read a book or listen to a podcast, it’s not like I’m miserable on my commute each day. But the hours do add up, and by the end of the week I am worn down and wonder what I’m doing with my life.  

I’d like to figure out better uses of this time. What else could I be doing to make my life better while I have all of this time. I try to listen to inspirational podcasts (not the news) and to take advantage of “me time.” But I’m starting to think that there’s something I’m missing.  

What do you do on your commute? Any tips for making the time more enjoyable?  

Grateful

One of my favorite yogis started a Gratitude Circle to encourage people to share what they are grateful for each day. Because I have read enough self help books, I know that if I were to start a practice of listing what I'm grateful for it would help. But for some reason I have a hard time making myself list what I'm grateful for. Is it just that I am a brat and can't notice all of the great things in front of me? So I just set a timer to list all of the things I'm grateful for.

  • I have an incredible family. I have a supportive, funny and loving husband. My mom is still my best friend. My siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and nieces and nephews are my favorite people in the world. 
  • I have a great job. When I was graduating from business school, I listed that I wanted to work to engage employees in volunteerism, and now every day I get to put together volunteer projects.
  • I have a roof over my head. Even though I don't think I'll stay in my apartment for the long haul, it's a great place to rest my head, and even has a Peleton bike now.
  • I'm grateful for my health. I have a body that I can nourish and it supports me every day.
  • I'm grateful that I'm on this new phase of a self-discovery journey. Life is suddenly becoming much less black and white, which is allowing me the opportunity to learn so much about myself.

Making this list took less than five minutes, and I now feel so much more positive about my day. Too often I focus on what I'm working on and what improvements I need to make, but I don't take enough time to observe the beauty of each day.

What are you grateful for?

Friendship

I'm lookin' for some long time friends.
I'm lookin' for some long time friends.
Life's a long and twisting road, many turns and unseen bends.
So I'm lookin' for some long time friends.

I remember singing that song at my elementary school graduation, and wondering if I would ever find genuine friendships. Would I ever stop feeling so different from everyone else? Would I ever feel like a belonged somewhere?

Almost twenty years later, I still often wonder about friendship. I do have a few genuine friends who I can truly depend on, but now live on the other side of the country from most of them. And the void of genuine conversations has been the hardest to get used to. 

I understand that, when you're first meeting someone, you don't discuss your deepest struggles. But, since all of my relationships are new, I have a lot of conversations about the weather and not many conversations about what truly makes us tick. 

This is why, when I came home from Soul Camp, I had such a hard time adjusting back to reality. For a week, I was safe to have genuine conversations with people, and when I got back to "reality" I realized how much I missed it. To bring this into my life, I am working harder to stay connected to friends via technology, and have decided to make this blog much more personal than I originally intended. Because, if I want to know what's really going on in other people's lives, a good place to start is sharing my own.

What's going on in your life? Not the weather, what's really going on? How are you today?

Be the Buddha in the Board Room

At the end of Soul Camp, we had a workshop on re-integrating into reality. For the past five days, we had been having spiritual conversations, taking yoga classes, and overall being protected from reality. Many of us discovered parts of ourselves while we were there, and were unsure of how our new perspective would mesh with our current reality.

The biggest piece of advice that we were given was to be patient because life changes on its own timeline. The cofounder, Michelle, told us about how, for a year, she was in a job that no longer felt in alignment with the life she wanted, but she needed a paycheck. Every day, she would walk into the office and tell herself I am the Buddha in the Board Room. If I'm not in an environment that I want to be in, I can change the energy and bring a new perspective.

In the weeks that I have been back in "reality," I have often needed to remind myself to be patient, but have also tried to take risks to bring my new perspective into my current environment. At work, I am in Toastmasters, the club for developing communication skills. Everyone does an "Ice Breaker" speech to introduce themselves to the club, and mine was scheduled for last week. And, instead of talking about something safe, I told everyone about my meditation class, and it felt great. Now my goal is to take more opportunities to share what I'm actually interested in. My speech is below if you are interested!

 

The Benefits of Breathing

 

Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Breathe in through your nose again, focusing on filling your entire body up with air. And exhale through your mouth. One more time, inhale through your nose, and exhale all the air through your mouth. Now open your eyes. Congratulations, you just meditated!

I meditate every day and it has made a big difference in my life. It wasn’t easy when I started. I would sit on my yoga mat and stare at the clock while a tornado of stressful thoughts went rushing through my mind. But overtime the thoughts slowed down and meditation started to help ease my stress. Now, six years later, I know that meditation has made me more patient, has helped me sleep better, and has improved my relationships. Today I’m going to describe the personal benefits of meditation, how it can make us better employees, and how it can change our relationships and the world.

Meditation has both mental and physical benefits. For mental benefits, have you ever noticed that you come up with your best ideas when you’re in the shower or about to fall asleep? This is because you’re more relaxed and your mind isn’t going a million directions at once, so creative inspiration can come through. By mediating, you can have more moments of silence, which lead to more moments of inspiration. Whenever I’m overwhelmed and unsure of where to start, I take a few deep breaths before brainstorming. I’m then more likely to see the bigger picture and come up with a solution.

Physically, mediation can improve your health. Did you notice that when you took a few deep breaths your heart rate slowed? According to the Mayo Clinic, meditation can help people manage symptoms of conditions such as anxiety, high blood pressure, tension headaches and sleep problems. I started meditating because I had a really hard time falling asleep. By meditating, I focused on my breath instead of my to-do list, and could finally ease off to sleep. So, the next time you’re lying in bed, instead of counting sheep or scrolling through Facebook on your phone, try focusing on your breath.

Meditation makes us better employees because we become more productive and creative. Meditation makes employees more productive because it lengthens our attention span. Before I started meditating I was so frazzled that I would get distracted whenever I got a phone call or an email. I would be making a spreadsheet when I heard this ding and would be taken off track. Was something wrong? Was I getting fired? And I would completely lose track of what I was working on. Why am I making this spreadsheet again? A study showed that workers who regularly practiced meditation stayed on task longer than those who didn’t. By staying on task, employees can also be more productive.

As I alluded to before, meditation makes employees more creative. We go through the day stressed and hoping that our boss won’t yell at us, which triggers the fight-or-flight reaction. We freeze up when we’re under pressure. But meditation relaxes the nerves that make us think that we’re under attack, so we can relax and think more strategically.

Finally, meditation can improve our relationships and the world. It improves our relationships because it changes the body’s reactions to stress. After a long day at work and then being on a crowded train on my commute home, I’m wired and carrying pent up tension from the day. If my husband asks me even the most benign question, I’ll snap because my body feels under attack. But if I instead take some deep breaths during the day or even meditate on the train, then his little comments are less likely to push my buttons.

Meditation can even transform our communities. In 1993, a group of monks began meditating daily in Washington, DC for a two-month long experiment. Before the experiment started, crime was on the rise and the police department voiced disbelief that meditation could change crime rates. But the group began meditating. They didn’t protest, they didn’t ask people to stop committing crimes. They just meditated each day. At the end of the two months, the crime rate had decreased 23%. This is because meditation changes the energy of our environment. Mahesh Yogi said that if even 1% of the population meditated, we could increase our harmony and quality of life.

So, what’s stopping you? The next time you’re stressing out and your heart is beating out of your chest and you don’t know what to do, walk away. Take a few minutes to focus on your breath. Your stress will dissipate, your heart rate will slow and you’ll change your perspective. Namaste!